Always Gold
by Siilentpaws
Summary: At the end of senior year, they ditch the party in favour of sitting together with drinks and questions. Because outside the battleground of the school halls, they can take of their masks and be themselves.


_"They said you were the crooked kind, that you'd never have no worth,_  
 _But you were always gold to me."_

* * *

"I thought you said you were good at this!" Heather Chandler complained.

Veronica scowled but otherwise ignored her, focusing on attempting to light the pile of sticks she'd set up within the ring of stones. "I used to be good at it when I went camping with mum and dad, but it's been about a decade since I last tried it." She let out a triumphant "Aha!" when the wood caught alight, the flames taking hold as she sat back between Chandler and Mac.

Chandler rolled her eyes, taking back the lighter. "Excuses, excuses."

Duke sighed, lifting her palms towards the roaring fire. "That's nice, I was getting cold out here."

"How? It's the middle of June!" Veronica asked.

"I'm used to Korean summers. It's tame here."

Veronica looked from Duke to Mac as she felt the tiny blonde leaning into her side. "Don't tell me you're cold too, you've got no excuse!" she laughed, draping an arm around her shoulders to pull her in closer.

"If you're all going to complain it's cold then why did we even leave the party?" Chandler said, crossing her arms as she stared into the fire.

"It was your idea," Duke retorted, though without the level of bite that she used around school. "Something about not wanting to be surrounded with sex-crazed footballers or something?"

Chandler shrugged. "Ram wouldn't keep his hands off Heather and she didn't like it. And I thought it'd be nice to get out, just us."

"Watch out, Heather's getting sentimental! How much have you had?" Duke sniggered.

"Shut up Heather!"

Veronica couldn't help but laugh at the familiar response. "On that topic, did anyone think to sneak some beers? I've hardly had anything yet."

To Veronica's surprise it was McNamara who reached for her bag under the bench. Duke grinned wickedly as she said "Kurt was guarding the beer table like a dog, so I distracted him while Heather filled her bag."

"Quite the dream team," Chandler commented as she took the bottle offered to her, using the opener on her keychain to pop the top off.

There was silence for a moment as the rest of the beers are passed around, before Duke spoke again. "So, now that we're out here, just us, what do you plan on us doing?"

"I don't think she got that far," Mac giggled, clearly heading towards tipsy already. She was undoubtedly the most incredible lightweight that Veronica had ever encountered.

Chandler glanced haughtily at them, before smiling mischievously. "Let's play 'Truth or Dare."

"Oh no!" Veronica burst out before anyone else could respond, eliciting a tiny groan from Mac as she veered forwards to glare at Chandler. "Not with your dares!"

Rolling her eyes as she looked back at the fire, Chandler gave an exasperated sigh. "You're such a pillowcase, Veronica."

"Then let's just not do the dares," suggested Mac, shifting to get comfortable again as Veronica leaned back.

Duke nodded. "Someone asks a question, and everyone takes it in turn to answer. Who's going first?"

To no-one's surprise it was Chandler who spoke. "I am. Who and when was your first time? Veronica's going first."

Veronica had a mere second to prepare before three pairs of eyes- green, brown, and blue- were on her. "Bit personal?" she asked, stalling for time even though there was no avoiding the question. "It was JD."

Chandler's eyed widened, and Veronica couldn't help but wince inwardly. "Trenchcoat kid?" Veronica nodded. "Wow, Ronnie, I didn't take you for someone who'd hit up a psychopath."

"That was before we realised he was a psychopath," Veronica muttered, keen to change topics. She was very grateful in that moment that she was on the Heathers' good side or the information would be around the entire school by the next morning.

"Mine was Dwight when I was a sophomore." Duke said, in the unabashed way that only she and Chandler could truly pull off.

On the contrary, Mac's response was so soft that Veronica almost missed it. "Ram."

"I don't even know who mine was. Some college jock from a Remington Party in junior year," Chandler's tone suggested she was attempting to come off as unfazed but it wasn't working very well. "Someone else ask something."

Veronica took a drink before asking "What do you look for in a partner?" The feeling of Mac leaning her head against Veronica's collar brought a smile to her face, but still she teased "That doesn't count as an answer."

"Someone who listens and is there for me," Mac said, before she looked up at Veronica. "What about you?"

She hesitated for a moment, comparing her short-lived relationship with JD to whatever was blooming between her and the girl tucked under her arm. They couldn't be more different; while she had been attracted to JD because he could fight for her, with Heather the tables were turned completely. "I don't know. Someone deep, I suppose. More to them than meets the eye, that sort of thing."

"Poetic." Duke said, merely an observation rather than an insult. Veronica shrugged her free shoulder.

Chandler's voice interrupted anything Duke was about to continue with. "Confidence and ambition. They should know who they are and what they want."

Duke nodded. "I'm with Heather on this one, that and intelligence. On a similar note, what's an instant turn-off?"

"Attempted murder," Veronica said immediately, and both Duke and Mac burst out laughing.

Even Chandler cracked a short-lived smile. "Enough talking about love. Ask a different question."

"Fine. Tell me the most embarrassing school story about yourself."

Chandler huffed dramatically. "In that case then you're going first. And if these get to the school newspaper then I will to go your college and end you socially before you've even arrived."

Meeting Chandler's scowl with narrowed eyes, Duke grabbed her bottle and drank before answering. "Before Mum agreed to letting me have implants I stuffed my bra with tissue to make my tits look less tiny." She paused to glare at Veronica when she failed to conceal a snort, taking another drink as if to steel herself. "It took a bit of practise to get right, and once in freshman year they fell out during Gym."

If looks could kill Duke's would have murdered Chandler on the spot, but that did nothing to stop her shrieking laughter. "That's good enough to warrant telling you mine," she said after she, Veronica and Mac had all regained some self control. "During first week of freshman year I was still getting used to wearing heels on stairs, and I twisted my ankle at the top of the stairs by the offices. I fell head over heels all the way down and right into the trophy cabinet. So my first impression on the Principal was flashing my ass at him as he walked out his office, then he had to catch a trophy cabinet to stop it falling on me."

The image of baby Heather Chandler being saved from a falling trophy cabinet by the Principal had Veronica laughing so hard she thought she might cry. A fierce nudge in the ribs from Chandler's elbow told her she was up next, so she quickly scanned her mind for something that could possibly rival either Duke or Chandler's stories. Eventually she started "I've had many embarrassing moments before you all rescued me from my incredible nerdiness. But the worst was probably when I hugged Mrs Fleming from behind thinking she was my mother."

"What did she say?" gasped out Duke between laughs.

Veronica couldn't help laugh too just from the memory alone. "She said- she said that she was touched that I felt such a familial connection to her!"

The renewed laughter was so loud that it was a while before Mac could make herself heard. "It was during the cheer practice at the end of last year when coach was picking the new head cheerleader. The basketball team were practicing at the same time and I got hit in the face. My nose bled all over my uniform and I ran out crying."

There was no laughter this time, and Veronica assumed that Chandler and Duke had both already heard the story before. That was confirmed when Chandler scowled and said "I wish I'd seen who threw that ball. I would have ended him."

Mac's only response was to curl closer into Veronica's side. "You haven't asked anything yet," Veronica prompted.

Mac hummed in agreement, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Happiest memory?"

"Probably Ram's homecoming party, before everything went to hell. I guess it was the first time that I could really enjoy my new popularity outside Westerburg." Veronica said, taking another drink.

Chandler added in a dry tone "Well for obvious reasons, after everything went to hell as you so nicely put it, that party is probably my least favourite memory along with the trophy cabinet save."

To Veronica's gratitude, Duke saved her from responding when she pointed out "We've already done least favourites, it's happy memories that Heather wants."

"Shut up Heather, I'm getting there." Chandler snapped, but then fell quiet. "Moment like these. Where it doesn't matter what everyone thinks of you, because you're with people who it doesn't matter to."

"Sentimental Heather makes another appearance," Duke commented, a wry smile playing about her lips.

Chandler grabbed her bottle and took a long drink. "Don't quote me on it tomorrow. And I bet yours is just as mushy."

Duke shrugged helplessly. "You're not wrong. When I first started hanging around with you and Heather; I felt like someone important, not just 'that Asian girl'."

"That's not really a memory, but yeah. Mine's the same," Mac said, her voice soft yet solemn. "Feeling like I belonged."

Nodding appreciatively, Duke lifted her bottle. "To feeling like we belong."

After they had all raised their bottles and drunk, Chandler cleared her throat. "Now let's go the opposite way. Everyone's worst fears."

"Are we talking stupid irrational fears, or those secret deep ones that you don't tell anyone." Veronica asked, slightly wary.

"Hmm. Both." Chandler decided. "Go irrational first."

"Then fire."

There was a pause as Chandler, Duke, and Mac all looked towards the campfire then back at Veronica, each failing at different levels to conceal their amusement. "Not like this," Veronica groaned, "I mean like a house fire."

Chandler said, giving an exaggerated wink. "Sure, Ronnie."

"Mine's the dark. Especially during thunderstorms." Mac interrupted the retort that Veronica had ready on her tongue. A pleading look from those blue eyes was enough make her forget it.

There was a moment's pause before Duke said "Needles, probably. I passed out during every injection I've had."

They all turned to look at Chandler, who was staring into the fire with a haunted look on her face. "Death," she said eventually.

"Heather, that's far too deep for this round," Veronica attempted to hide her concern with a hollow laugh. Glancing down, she noticed that Chandler's drink was completely empty.

Chandler shook her head a minute amount, then met Veronica's gaze without any sign of her brief vulnerability. "Spiders, then. Anything small and creepy."

"Ugh yeah, I didn't think of that." Duke said, shuddering. "But if we're moving onto irrational fears then… I don't know, the idea of everything being unimportant. That I'm going to go through my life and at the end I'll look back and realise it meant absolutely nothing."

Mac spoke next, sipping her beer before she did so. "The thought that there's no-one there for you. That no-one would care if you disappeared, no-one would miss you. I suppose that's similar really."

Veronica instinctively tightened the arm that still rested around Mac's shoulders, before considering herself. "Losing control of my life," she said after a while, unable to shake the image of JD from her mind. "Whether that's to someone or something."

Chandler nodded; whether in acknowledgement or agreement Veronica wasn't sure. The troubled edge was threatening to return to her gaze as she asked "Can you be afraid of being afraid? Because if so then that's it. Not knowing what's going to happen to you and forgetting who you are in the process."

The conversation lulled after everyone made their confessions, and Veronica spared a moment to think of how damaged they all truly were as she looked around at their fire-lit faces. Everything had changed in the space of a few short months. She was sure that if the last question had been asked a year ago, either their answers would have been different entirely or made up to conceal the truth.

Chandler had survived death by a hair's breadth, and while she would never relinquish the title of 'Mythic Bitch', her second chance as she called it had made her reconsider her attitude towards those around her. Mac hadn't been much further away from creating her own end, and putting a voice to her self-hatred and insecurities had allowed them all to support her as she needed and give her a reason to live again. Duke's attempt to take control of Westerburg and prove herself during Chandler's absence had ended in mass backfire when she couldn't cope with the strain, after which she hadn't been seen or heard of for nearly a week before she reappeared a much more subdued version of her former self. And Veronica would never let herself forget how close she had come to losing everything, all in the name of what she had mistaken for love. She didn't blame herself for causing all their agonies anymore, but catalysing what would probably have happened at some point in the future.

The reality of nearly losing each other had, arguably for the first time, made them truly consider what they all meant to each other.

The comfortable quiet stretched out until the campfire was little more than a glowing pile of embers. Remembering Mac's fear of the dark and seeing Duke shiver slightly on Chandler's other side, Veronica attempted to untangle herself from Mac to relight the fire.

"Give me another beer and I've got it," Chandler offered, waiting for Veronica's end of the deal before she leaned forward on her hands and knees to stir the wood and ash.

Veronica gave a murmur of thanks as the flames started creeping back up, thinking of another question to fill the silence. As if she'd read her mind, Duke chimed in with "What's something you've never told anyone else before?"

Mac shifted from where she had nearly fallen asleep in Veronica's arms, toying with the sleeve of her cardigan. "You already know," she said simply, with no hint of fear or hesitation. Veronica could just make out the maze of pale scars that littered her forearms under the firelight.

"I hate being popular at parties," Chandler said, surprising them all again. She took another swig of beer and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, leaving a bright red smudge over her pale skin. "They all think you owe them something and won't take no for an answer. Sometimes I'd like to be a nobody, because then they'd leave you alone." Turning her slightly unfocused gaze towards Veronica she continued "You've been on both sides of the fence. Which is better?"

Veronica sighed as she thought, twirling her fingers absentmindedly through Mac's curls. "They're both pretty shit," she grinned, causing another round of quiet laughter. "But sometimes I wish I was still a nobody, even though I wouldn't give this up for anything. That's my big secret."

Duke leaned over to help herself to another beer, ignoring Mac's chide as she cracked it open with her teeth. "I've been taking anxiety meds since the start of junior year. I lied about why I didn't show up for a week, it wasn't because I couldn't be bothered. I had a massive relapse, and they've upped the dose since then." Trailing off, she pulled her knees up under her chin and closed her eyes momentarily.

In a rare display of comfort, Chandler laid a gentle hand on Duke's shoulder. "This has got too depressing again, someone ask a happy question." she announced, looking around expectantly.

"Sum up in one word where you want to be in the future." Veronica said after polishing off her beer. She didn't reach for another, knowing she'd need to be sober enough to carry Mac afterwards since it didn't look like she would stay awake much longer.

There was another shorter period of quiet, before Duke was the first to break it. "Happy, for want of a better word." she shrugged.

"Alive." Both Mac and Chandler spoke at the exact same time; they glanced at each other with first surprised and then wistful expressions.

Agreeing with them all at least partially, Veronica hesitated a moment longer. "At peace," she eventually concluded, thinking again of the previous year and all they'd endured.

"That's more than one word, you're breaking your own rule." Chandler pointed out.

Veronica turned to give her a lazy smile. "Shut up Heather."

Mac let out a giggle and Duke snorted with laughter, muttering something about 'payback time' which Chandler ignored in favour of rolling her eyes.

"We should probably head back soon." Veronica commented, noticing the time on Mac's swatch.

Chandler hummed in agreement, but showed no signs of actually doing it. Veronica supposed it didn't really matter; they were crashing at Chandler's house as usual and her parents wouldn't be home, meaning there would be no-one waiting up for them. As the fire began to die down again, Mac closed her eyes and leaned her head back on Veronica's shoulder, who inclined her own head to rest atop Mac's hair. Chandler and Duke both shuffled closer until they were all huddled together, like four girls up against the ever-rising shadows.

Veronica reckoned that in all her years of diary writing she'd never thought up a comparison so accurate.

* * *

 _Author's Note:_

 _As you've probably guessed by now this is set in an Heather Lives!AU which diverges from canon just before 'Me Inside of Me'. Chandler is saved after drinking the drano, JD is convicted of attempted murder, and while Chandler's recovering Duke still tries to take over and McNamara still attempts suicide._

 _This is what I've been procrastinating AYT with, basically xD I've just finished mock exams and felt the need to write some self-indulgent and plotless fluff to destress myself. The next chap is almost done, and I'm on Easter Break after next week so hopefully I can get at least a chapter out._


End file.
